Durden completes 19 minute
lap of Richmond Park
Last night TGS reporters witnessed William “Chicken Legs”
Durden (WJD) complete a lap of Richmond Park on the 19 minute mark. This
remarkable tour de force has secured Durden the third spot in the first peloton
for the Dolomites (noting that Messrs Gibson and Beard had achieved automatic
selection for the first two spots by weighing less than 60 kilos). Durden
informed TGS reporters that the principal reason for his surge in form was to
spend 15 hours making an ironman training plan and then conducting an entirely
random set of training activities. He was also very comfortable with his
selection for the first peloton noting that he would use his new found form to
“drop the hammer on that pigeon-chested f#ck Beard in the Dolomites”.
Mark “The Tank” Williams was also at Richmond Park last
night but was too visibly distressed to provide any comment on Durden’s
performance to TGS reporters. However, he was later overheard making some
derogatory comments about people with chicken legs.
There is now one final spot available in the first peloton
for the Dolomites. Jonathan “The Potato” Kirwan is still the favourite
for the jersey although TGS News is expecting a strong late run from Pughy.
Former champion rues lack
of form
There has been considerable speculation about the lack of
early season form of Christopher Beard (CB). TGS News has investigated why the
former yellow jersey holder is not where he would expect to be at this point in
the season and, despite his lack of comment on the subject, the reason is that
he has suffered a lack of training hours caused by pursuing a relationship with
some mincer called “Stuart”.
The big red nasty
Patrick “the big red nasty” Flynn (PF) will be continuing with
his current training plan by spending four days on the smash in Magaluf this
coming weekend. TGS Reporters nonetheless expect him to be a valuable
contributor to the third peloton in the Dolomites.
Mr R is
teetotal pre-Dolomites
TGS reporters have been informed
by sources that the Mr R will not be consuming any alcohol pre-Dolomites in
an attempt to get down to his fighting weight of 16 and a half stone.
During this period of tee-totality TGS News understands that the Pope has
also agreed to become Muslim.
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